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7 Jul

in the darkness

For over 2 years I’ve always said and always believed God could heal Mary if that was His plan for her. Many times on this blog I have said statistics don’t scare me. Many more times I have told people face to face or over text and email that I don’t care what doctors say her fate is. I truly, truly don’t.

With everything in my heart, mind and soul I know all it would take is one word. One whisper. One thought. And she would be healed.

But I also knew even if He doesn’t, He is still good.
And I am no fool for believing he could or can.


2 weeks ago, we got a miracle. In another massive surgery we thought we would get more bad news. Instead, the Dr found nothing. Not only visibly, [which I know when it comes to cancer, means nothing], but down to the cellular level.

So, it seems God has done what I always knew He could. And please don’t for one second think I said “would”.

But with this new diagnosis, a diagnosis that has not only baffled her oncologist, but is also thought to be medically impossible, comes a whole new set of completely unexpected challenges for myself.

I thought if Mary were ever healed it would be loud and triumphant. I thought the heavens would open up and a beam of light would shoot through her body dissolving the cancer. Maybe all the weight she lost would instantly be back on her body and God himself would say in a big booming voice “cancer, be gone!”

When it was nothing like that, it just seemed strange.

And for the first time in this journey I doubted.


Then one night I was reading the bible to Harper before bed.
It was the story of Jesus’s birth.

“How would he come? What would he be like? What would he do? Mountains would have bowed down. Seas would have roared. Trees would have clapped their hands.
But the earth held its breath. As silent as snow falling, he came in. And when no one was looking, in the darkness, he came.”

I read it, just like I have at least 7 times before and just like so many times before, God spoke to me once again through a child’s book.

Why did I think it would be so big and grand and triumphant?

Why did I think it would be like a scene in a sci-fi movie?

The savior of the world came and no one knew. A baby king was born and no feasts or grand celebrations were given. A perfect man, God in the flesh, came into this world and shepherds and cows and a young unmarried man and woman were the only ones to witness it.


Maybe, while Mary was sleeping one night, He came and whispered life into her ear.

Or maybe while she was laughing, He pointed his finger and all the cells shriveled.

Perhaps he simply said “enough” and it was over.

And quite possibly He didn’t act or say anything at all. He just thought it and the cells had no choice but to die.


It seems this healing was as silent as snow falling. It came when no one was looking.

A miracle happend. Her life was changed. Our lives were changed. Something impossible, happened.

And we don’t even know the moment. 

And I guess that seems exactly right.

  • Breeann Bowers

    Love this :) God’s ways are seriously baffling sometimes…but so beautiful. He has done so many amazing things in your whole family through this whole process.

  • Suanne

    Like you Em, I expected the Hallelujah Chorus to start and instead there was just quiet. What a wonderful comparison with the birth of our Lord Jesus. He was born one night and no one knew except some shepherds and three wise men. The King of glory and – God in flesh and just the quiet. What a wonderful God we serve!

  • SufferingHusband

    Em, thanks for this encouraging post. My wife is 32 with Stage VI ovarian cancer. Three different of chemo courses, and nothing is working. Her CA125 went from 57 to 950. Yesterday her oncologist informed us that her chance for cure is zero but for the sake of our 3 year old son, she will do everything she can to prolong her life. I still believe in my heart that the Lord can “baffle” doctors. Whether He wills it or not, I will always glorify Him and thank Him for all His work. I came across your blog as I was looking online to seek comfort and I am very encouraged by your story, thank you.

    • Emily Jean Osburn

      I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I know the struggle is deep and hard, and I won’t and can’t compare my struggle to yours and your sons. I will pray for your family…I will pray for your hearts…I will pray for peace. I think that’s what I needed most. Thank you writing, it’s encouraging to me.

      If you go to this website below, it’s where all of our writing about my sister’s journey is. I have written, my husband has and Mary has, as well. You can also like our facebook page- Cancer Saved Me.

      Thank you for writing. I will be praying for you, your wife and your son. If you ever want to write again, you know where to find me. :)