For over 2 years I’ve always said and always believed God could heal Mary if that was His plan for her. Many times on this blog I have said statistics don’t scare me. Many more times I have told people face to face or over text and email that I don’t care what doctors say her fate is. I truly, truly don’t.
With everything in my heart, mind and soul I know all it would take is one word. One whisper. One thought. And she would be healed.
But I also knew even if He doesn’t, He is still good.
And I am no fool for believing he could or can.
2 weeks ago, we got a miracle. In another massive surgery we thought we would get more bad news. Instead, the Dr found nothing. Not only visibly, [which I know when it comes to cancer, means nothing], but down to the cellular level.
So, it seems God has done what I always knew He could. And please don’t for one second think I said “would”.
But with this new diagnosis, a diagnosis that has not only baffled her oncologist, but is also thought to be medically impossible, comes a whole new set of completely unexpected challenges for myself.
I thought if Mary were ever healed it would be loud and triumphant. I thought the heavens would open up and a beam of light would shoot through her body dissolving the cancer. Maybe all the weight she lost would instantly be back on her body and God himself would say in a big booming voice “cancer, be gone!”
When it was nothing like that, it just seemed strange.
And for the first time in this journey I doubted.
Then one night I was reading the bible to Harper before bed.
It was the story of Jesus’s birth.
“How would he come? What would he be like? What would he do? Mountains would have bowed down. Seas would have roared. Trees would have clapped their hands.
But the earth held its breath. As silent as snow falling, he came in. And when no one was looking, in the darkness, he came.”
I read it, just like I have at least 7 times before and just like so many times before, God spoke to me once again through a child’s book.
Why did I think it would be so big and grand and triumphant?
Why did I think it would be like a scene in a sci-fi movie?
The savior of the world came and no one knew. A baby king was born and no feasts or grand celebrations were given. A perfect man, God in the flesh, came into this world and shepherds and cows and a young unmarried man and woman were the only ones to witness it.
Maybe, while Mary was sleeping one night, He came and whispered life into her ear.
Or maybe while she was laughing, He pointed his finger and all the cells shriveled.
Perhaps he simply said “enough” and it was over.
And quite possibly He didn’t act or say anything at all. He just thought it and the cells had no choice but to die.
It seems this healing was as silent as snow falling. It came when no one was looking.
A miracle happend. Her life was changed. Our lives were changed. Something impossible, happened.
And we don’t even know the moment.
And I guess that seems exactly right.